ATTENTION ALL HOSE, BUST DOWNS AND GROUPIES!! by: @therealHNF

 

 

 

 

 

TOM CRUISE IS HAVING AUDITIONS FOR THE ROLE OF HIS NEXT knob slobberer GIRLFRIEND!

Yep, a story has come out that Tom Cruise and his Scientology friends held auditions to find his girlfriend back in 2004.  After he dumped her for Katie Holmes, Cruise and the Church Of Scientology had her shipped off to Florida to do menial labor as punishment for telling a friend about her arranged relationship with Cruise.  A source close to the Cruise camp let me in on the audition process and told me the questions they asked the prospective girlfriends:

1. How tall are you?

2. How tall are you in heels?

3. How tall are you laying down?

4. How tall are you on your knees?

5. How tall are you on your butt?

Unfortunately for the majority of you hose, these questions aren’t multiple choice.  From my own experience, I can honestly say these are very important questions to ask any potential significant other as it pertains to your compatibility and longevity as a couple.  So, who do you think will win the coveted role?  I know at least one person who’s on the market:

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